sifting through a lifetime

Last night, when the baby woke me up to nurse, my mind kept leaping to random things I knew I wanted to pack, but didn't know where they were, or how they would fit.  I tried repeatedly to tell myself to forget about it for the night; to relax and enjoy this quiet time with my baby at the end of such a frantic day.  I'd calm down, then suddenly something else would come to mind.  This hectic pattern kept repeating until the sated baby was soundly sleeping and her exhausted mother was wide awake worrying about things that really didn't matter at that moment.

Today was another long day of sorting, lifting, packing, and generally being overwhelmed.  The trailer we're hauling is 60% to 70% full now, and the house is 20% to 30% packed.  We have a long way to go.  I'm beginning to accept that we're going to get rid of a lot of stuff.  It's inevitable.  There's no way to ignore that fact now.  I'm almost tired enough of sorting and packing to embrace it.  Almost.

The baby is teething right now too.  I'm not sure what made me think a cross county move with a teething baby and a car load of animals was a good idea.  I must have lost my mind.  Poor baby was so tired by all the activity and the effort of pushing teeth through her gums that by the end of the day she dissolved into a frantic puddle of screaming baby.  This was about the time that her father and I were trying to load all the big odds and ends on to the trailer so that we could lock it for the night.  She sat there in her walker and wailed, watching us, while we struggled furniture up the ramp and called soothing things to her.  It took 1 boob, 4 ounces of pumped milk, 6 lullabies, and 2 parents to calm her enough for sleep.

Tomorrow is the start of my last week at work.  We hope to leave shortly after my last day.  The week looks busy.  There are doctors appointments to attend, vet records to pick up.  I have to return my borrowed breast pump to the WIC office.  I have to work for 3 different clients.  All this on top of getting packed up and ready to leave.

I'm breathing deeply and imagining our new home.  We have a basement and there are seasons and grass.  I imaging my little girl growing up in a place with lots of friends and a good school.  I see the dogs playing in the yard and the cats relaxing in a sunny window.  I imagine me and my boyfriend having a beer on the front porch watching the sunset.

I know we can do this.